Can You be TOO Green…?

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As someone who has considered himself an environmentalist for a long time, nothing makes me more happy than the increase in green awareness. I remember celebrating Earth Day my freshman year in college. That was back when only people wearing Phish shirts and Birkenstocks attended such things. But now, more than ever, I put a lot of thought into being green. My partner and I were just boasting to each other that we are happy that our recycling to garbage ratio is about 4:1. That is 4 bags of recycling for every bag of trash (and yes, I’m borderline OCD enough to count my trash).

However, I recently found myself in a bit of green dilemma. I was shooting a film in a house that the production company had rented. The director had told me that the occupants of the house were part of a green commune. Keep in mind that the last commune home I went to was for bi-curious, polyamorous, performance artists (it was just for a potluck).

During the shoot, I went to use the bathroom and as I was about to flush I noticed a hand-written sign, displayed prominently above the toilet handle that read, In order to reduce your carbon foot-print- if it’s yellow, let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down. I immediately felt guilty and thought to myself, if this is what you’re supposed to do to reduce your carbon foot print, then I must be a carbon sasquatch. I couldn’t believe what a dilemma this was for me. I was just standing there frozen wanting to flush but every time I went for the handle I had visions of Al Gore berating me and the Sierra Club holding daily protests outside my house.

I was overcome with guilt and started having flashbacks of all the non-green decisions I had made. I refused to buy the recycled toilet paper because it was too ruff or the post-consumer resume paper because I thought it was too grey. I still refuse to buy earth-friendly deodorant because I don’t want to smell like b.o. A knock on the bathroom door pulled me from my literal guilt trip. I now only had a little bit of time to decide-to flush or not to flush? It took all my strength but I proceeded with washing my hands and ended up walking out of the bathroom, proud of my decision to “let it mellow.”

I was still standing near the bathroom, congratulating myself for letting go of my hygene hang-up, for the good of the planet, when I heard the person that followed in the bathroom gasp, “Oh gross. Who forgot to flush?”

Image Credit: Zanthia

About The Author

Ryan Kasmier is a gay, San Francisco-based stand up comedian and performer, but his comedy is very straight friendly. Seriously, some of his best friends are straight. Ryan can be likened to a feisty little Italian sausage because his wit, unique humor, and tongue-in-cheek style, are all tightly packed into one small person. Ryan’s comedy is largely biographical and his incredulous tone and observational stories are filled with sarcastic jokes that catch the audience off-guard and send them into hysterics. Ryan won first place in the 2009 Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition. His energy, large array of topics and ability to draw in audiences make him a popular host. He regularly plays various Bay Area comedy venues including The Clubhouse, Harvey's, and The Russian River Resort. Clips of Ryan’s work as well as a schedule of performances can be found at www.funnyryan.com.

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