Are we surprised by anything that happens in North Korea anymore? You’d think we’d just be totally unfazed by this point. But today brings us news of an act so batshit crazy that we might have to resort to the term horseshit crazy. Or Possum-shit crazy. It’s crazy, y’all.
Today we learn that in July, a man with an official government title was executed for his bad posture at a public event. The Vice Premier for Education, Kim Jong Jin, had his life snuffed out (oh, brief candle!) for the egregious sin of slouching.
Did you hear that? Kim Jong Un just executed a dude because he didn’t sit up straight. Like a bloodthirsty Mary Poppins, the leader of North Korea has decided that he simply won’t stand for any of this badly brought-up nonsense. So sit the hell up and swallow that damn spoonful of sugar, dammit–for the good of the state!
Can you fucking imagine? I mean how many of us would survive that test? I can guarantee you that at my straightest, I still have no hope of sitting up straight enough to please Kim Jong Un. Maybe he hasn’t heard that the human back is one of the most evolutionarily flawed part of our bodies? Nature has played a vile trick on us! We’re still supposed to be walking on all fours, Kim! Surely some leniency is in order!
But no. He’s made his official decree. Everybody better be sitting the fuck up or going the fuck home, and that’s final. And all you surviving North Korean officers of state, don’t even THINK about leaving the toilet seat up.