Who: Vincent D’Onofrio (Law & Order: Criminal Intent), Oliver Jackson-Cohen (Dracula)
What: In yet another “dark reinvention of a childhood favorite,” The Wizard of Oz meets American Horror Story in the modern day.
Why you should care: All the friends of Dorothy will be there.
January 6 on NBC
Who: A cast of cute unknowns and out super-producer Greg Berlanti (Supergirl, Brothers & Sisters).
What: In yet another another “dark reinvention of a childhood favorite,” the Archie comics become a soap described as a teenage Twin Peaks. Hmmm … bring us the next Log Lady, and we’ll talk.
Why you should care: Star KJ Apa, a New Zealand import, has the shortest surname and the most impressive abs of the season.
January 26 on CW
Who: Finn Jones (Game of Thrones)
What: Despite the title, this is not a documentary about a Castro club in the ’70s. An orphaned superhero with a sweet chest plate avenges dead parents, fights villains, punches through walls, etc.
Why you should care: Marvel Comics + Netflix = shows you’ll be expected to talk about at parties (see Jessica Jones, Daredevil).
March 17 on Netflix
Who: Rita Moreno (Rita Fucking Moreno!), Justina Machado (Six Feet Under)
What: ¡Eso es todo! The classic single-mom sitcom is remade with an intergenerational Latino family by original producer Norman Lear.
Why you should care: The legendary Moreno and Lear in a revisal of the slightly campy ’70s show (will “Dammit, Julie!” be uttered or cowl-neck sweaters be worn?) must not be missed.
January 6 on Netflix
Who: Jude Law
What: This ten-episode series presents the life and times of the first American pontiff—along with Law’s bare ass, which is fully visible in episode 3.
Why you should care: Did we stutter?
January 15 on HBO
Who: Tom Hardy, Jonathan Pryce, Franka Potente
What: Oi, fit swashbuckler! A big British galoot (Hardy, who also produces the show) is an avenging adventurer in the nineteenth century.
Why you should care: It is not the series adaptation of the Boy George musical. (God is apparently still not dead.)
January 6 on FX
Who: Samantha Morton, Jessica Brown Findlay (Downton Abbey)
What: Po-faced prostitute (Morton) and posh-faced prostitute (Findlay) are prostitutes in the best little whorehouse in 1700s London..
Why you should care: Prostitutes! A historical drama about hookers is such a natural, we’re shocked HBO didn’t get there faster.
March 29 on Hulu