People like to say a lot of things, especially to others who may be a little different from themselves. One of the things that people like to poke their noses into is when a married couple hasn’t had a child within the first few years of marriage. And strangely enough, these people don’t necessarily have to be inside of your family. They may be neighbors, friends, or coworkers.
Women especially have a much harder time dealing with these questions. Although it may be well-intentioned, it often feels like the other person is criticizing or demeaning the woman for the decisions that you have made. Especially today, when younger people who are trying to get their careers started so they can pay off debts, waiting to have a child or not having one at all may is much more common.
If you, too, have been targeted with the insensitive questioning by those around you and you want to replay in a calm and respectful manner, here are some things you can say.
- They say: “You two are young. This is the best time to bring a child into your lives and complete it, do it before it’s too late.”
- Reply: “We really appreciate your concern about the completion of our lives, but we’re taking this time to explore life together, just the two of us. We feel complete, nonetheless.”
- They say: “You two are getting older day by day. It will be difficult to have a child if you get any older. Do it now!”
- Reply: Thank you for reminding us that we are getting older, we almost forgot. But actually, we are perfectly happy with how things are right now, and we don’t feel like the addition of the baby is the right thing for our family.”
- They say: “Women can’t get pregnant after 40, so if better have a baby before it’s too late.”
- Reply: “I appreciate your concern, but it is really not the right way to spread unscientific information like women can’t pregnant after 40, because they can.”
- They say: “Start a family right away; otherwise, it will be too late.”
- Reply: Even though it was unnecessary for you to tell us exactly what to do with our lives, thank you anyways.”
- They say: “A child will be the glue that holds you both together, don’t wait for it to be late.”
- Reply: If a child was the glue that was supposed to hold us together, maybe we should have thought of that before getting married. Nonetheless, thank you for your suggestion.”
There are many norms in society. People getting married in their twenties and immediately having two or more is often viewed as “typical behavior.” Unfortunately, many young people rush into families before they are ready just to satisfy these unwritten rules about when you are supposed to start having children.
Don’t let other people influence your decisions or make you feel bad for waiting or decided against children. Even if you are in your thirties, there is likely still time to decide thanks to many advancements in reproductive procedures that make it safe and affordable even at a more advanced age.
If you are trying to have a baby, but are struggling, you may want to talk with your doctor about options and the use of supplements. Brands like Allergy Research Group, BioRay, and Terry Naturally have products that contain herbs, vitamins, and minerals that all work to provide optimal support in the body.